you thought you knew everything about me but actually you dont you claimed you loved and accepted me for who i am but that was all talk only you said i am selfish and only think about myself but did you ever think of how you treated me? you said you want to do something by yourself and i let you do it sometimes i also really dont like the way you treat me i still remember the times you did something that only you benefitted from and me? i suffered alone in pain and sadness you said you will be there for me you will lend me your shoulder to lean on for support you promised you will be there for me when i cry but when i cried all you did was gave me a pat on my back and ran off to have fun the only ones who were there for me was gena clarine nicole deep down i dont think you ever accomplished all this
you promised to not leave me out you broke this because whenever somebody tells you somethings i am not the one who hears from you first hand i had to hear it from someone else
you promised to be my listening ear but you did not whenever i want to complain about something to you you say sorry i am busy now will talk to you later or can you text me cos i am not free but when you are free then you will not call me
you said you will give me ever lasting hugs but when was the last time you gave me one when we were still bestfriends? and when i needed you the most you will not be there for me always
you also said you will never allow anyone to bully and hurt me when i asked for your help to ask caris to go away do you still remember what you did??? you practically ran away when you saw caris pulling at my bag you never even stop to turn your head to see me you only did that when you are at the classroom even so you did not ask caris to let me go you continued to laugh didn't you know how much i was hurting inside? and here you are accusing me of not sparring a thought for others when i saw how ashley was bullying you last time i never once thought of leaving you there even when i had something important to do but now the new me who is free of baggages will leave you there and then to let you have a taste of how i felt when people is bullying me and you were not there to help
can you please ask yourself these few questions? place your hand over your heart and ask yourself are you my bestfriend? are you accepting me as who i am? do you really care for me? do you love me?
if you accepted me for who i am then i should never have received the essay-long letter which is full of problems and your opinions about my attitude and if you really do care for me then you should have been there for me when i cried but there i was secretly and stupidly wishing and that you will come and comfort me but when you did not appear i told myself that you will surely come for me at the end of the day but instead you asked people to leave me alone to sort out my own thinkings and you yourself ran away like i have some kind of disease if you love me please let me control my life my life which was originally free of tears and pain before you appeared dont make me cry once i get home and i cry because of your actions in school that i saw for myself you go around telling people that you love them and you also tell me that you love me then which is the truth? since you love everyone the same way you love me then tell me why i have to give you extra love?
if you do love me as you claimed then let go of my life which has became tangled with yours please... we can still be normal friends though but never bestfriends ever again. i am sorry it has to end like that after months of being together this is all i will get pain misery and nothing else.
pain is all you have given me after all that we have been through
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Posted @ 2:35 AM
Thursday, September 23, 2010 ♥.
OMG!!!how long have i not posted??? final exams are coming and im stressing out not because of studies but because of friendship problems
i just dont know what she is thinking she has her problem and i dont have mine she thought she knew the real me but actually she didn't maybe she knows but hasn't she heard thgat people can change? i can tell that she changed but i haven't i am still the marabelle i was last year... playful, naughty,shy to strangers, defiant from a goody goody girl to a girl that can hurt someone deeply that change is a very big and noticeable one.
she said she love me(friend friend love) and she said that it will last that way forever but look at what happened now even others can see the difference i feel like we were once married but now divorced and we are avoiding each other now like we cheated on one another even my mum can tell the difference
everyday i go to school with my hopes so high that you and i will always be bestfriend forever but alas your actions killed my heart. maybe you cant see the difference in yourself but the people standing at the sidelines can see better everytime i look at you smile with others i will ask myself what exactly did i do wrong? so wrong for you to ignore me?
during lesson time you said you have to rely on yourself for good grades so i stopped asking you questions and let you concentrate but instead you took it as a misunderstanding. there is a lot of things i want to tell you but i just simply cannot say it to you in face not now if not our friendship will be strained why cant we go back to the times when we were having fun so much fun to land us what we became today as bestfriends
i hate to put on a smiley face and say yeah im okay when dena ask me if i am okay and she not only ask me once but twice thrice and after she ask she will give me a pat on my back when she does that i really wished that you will do that to me you said that you were afraid that i will kick you aside when i found new friends but did i? i kept my promise and stayed by you and what did you do to me? you threw me aside you did not want to talk to me you went off with anybody without telling me where you are going maybe you are thinking that i am not your mum and i have no control over you okay that is fine with me but when someone needs to find you urgently the first thing they do is ask me where you went and i had to say i dont know when i am supposed to know just because i am you bestfriend
people said that if you love someone then you will let her go i am gonna listen to that and let you go your own way i have done it once and i am doing it again silvia left me when i thought she was the one and i turned to you when she let me down now its your turn to let me down and i have no one to turn to i cant keep telling dena or she will not have time for winse i cannot tell nicole or she will be unhappy with me again i cannot tell winse orgena or debbie if not they will just say cheer up when i simply cant i cant tell anyone and so i have to turn to myself
whenever i cry when i am not supposed to i tell myself who the hell am i crying over and when i told myself its you i got angry because deep down i know my place is already cleared just waiting for the next person to come along and settle down
if you have any problems next time then feel free to call or text me to share with me even though the chances of us being bestfriend again might be slim but still i am harbouring some hopes. hope that even if we cant be bestfriends we can still remain as good friends
i will look before i fall the next time someone right comes along